Well hey there! It’s been a hot minute hasn’t it! A lot has happened over the course of the last few months, I found out that I am expecting baby number four! Which I guess really is the only “a lot” that has happened. But boy let me tell you, if you weren’t planning to ever have any more kiddos and a shock such as this, it is a lot!
Jacob and I had toyed with the idea of having another baby, the ultimate conclusion though was that we were happy with what we had going on. Three beautiful daughters and a bunch of rowdy dogs! The thought was nice but I think at that time, it was mostly nostalgia for all the feels that surround having a tiny baby around. Summer was in full swing, we were having barbeques and hanging out in the yard all day, family was around we were all practicing our summer self care and having all the fun!
As the days rolled on, and the fun continued, Jacobs Mom and his nieces made the trek down to hang out for a bit. Amidst all of he squeals and laughs, something kept nagging at me. Where the heck was Aunt Flo? Surely I was just stressed out and she would make her appearance. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting. Alright I waited for like a day and a half, but something kept telling me she wasn’t going to show up. Finally, one sunny afternoon I had barbequed all of the kids some hot dogs, and I figured I would take a test that was in the back of the bathroom closet from a while ago. You know, put my mind at ease because when the negative sign showed up, my body would allow nature to take its course.
Wrong. Oh how I was wrong. I took the test and instantly it showed POSITIVE. Uhhh… Excuse me, what’s that now? A positive?? My stomach dropped and suddenly I felt my heartbeat in my ears. What the hell was this nonsense? A positive result? I went to find Jacob, who was confused about why I wanted him to follow me to the bathroom. As soon as he saw the test, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. I cried. Actually more like bawled my friggen eyes out. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I actually had to take two more tests just to confirm what was really happening.
Why did I cry? I had made peace with not having any more kids. I honestly wasn’t excited. Having three kiddos with no family support and still not really knowing anyone around here has still been a struggle, now we are throwing a newborn into the mix. And also, what about sharing the excitment with family and friends? My mom surely wouldn’t be able to be here and what if my grandparents werent back in time? What if Jacob’s mom wasn’t even able to make it down? Why did we have to live here so far away and have this happen? I’ve never been in this situation when having a kiddo, there has always been endless support and love around and suddenly all of that is gone. These are all still things I think about.. nay… Worry about daily.
After the shock wore off:
For the next few days, I cried and tried to hold it together and act normal for the sake of the older girls. Excitement was a word I wasn’t ready to start feeling. Terror would be a more accurate description. I failed to accept that this was actually happening. Fast forward a couple of weeks, still not over the moon, morning sickness hit HARD. This was a new experience for me, with all of my other babies it was never really a problem! I was however, warming up to the idea. Then I started spotting. Oh no, what if something was wrong?? I made a phone call to the doctor, who sent me into a panic and urged me to rush to the hospital.
That’s actually when it hit me. I wanted the little being inside of me more than anything. I loved the little nugget and wanted nothing more than the baby to be safe! A quick and very awkward ultrasound made sure everything was fine! Seeing that little heart flicker on the screen made me feel all the feels! Spotting was due to implantation bleeding, which totally can happen as late as 9 weeks!
From that point on, I was and still am very much so filled with joy! The older girls who were a little apprehensive at the beginning began warming up to the idea.They started making bets if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. Everyone was finally happy! We started picking out our favorite names, and looking at swings and baby clothes…you know…all the fun stuff! Then the exciting appointments started, we heard the heartbeat we found out we are having a BOY, we picked out a name and now we are waiting to meet the little guy.
Finding out you’re pregnant when you weren’t planning on having any more can throw you for one giant loop. Like I said, it’s a daily struggle with not being close to family and friends. Aside from the struggles though, the days are filled with anticipation and elation! I am extremely grateful to be having another baby. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter if it’s your first kid or your tenth kid, there are varying degrees of “oh shit” and “hell yeah!!” It just took me a little longer to get to the “hell yeah!” Part of things, I’m sure everything else will figure itself out.
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