I’m gonna be real honest, I stole this title from one of my Instagram captions. No shame to this game. If you’re reading this, you may be wondering why I’m chasing my happiness, or how you can get after yours!
I’m here to let you know that you aren’t alone, and you don’t have to face whatever you’re going through by yourself! I’ve got your back. This post is an introduction to a miniseries of how self-care can help you. Plus, writing it out is also going to help me! Win-win!
Recently, I’ve been hit with an emotional freight train. It was as if all of the emotions and tensions that have been hovering in the air came crashing down. The weight of it all made your girl here feel; lost, hopeless and broken. I didn’t want to cook, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I basically just wanted to sleep and be a human blob. Along with all of those garbled up feelings, I was lashing out in anger and not sleeping well at all. I realized something, I wasn’t happy any more. And by that I mean, years worth of crap built up inside of me gave me a sense of worthlessness. Of course Jacob and the girls make me happy, I just wasn’t happy with the situations I had been in or how others had treated me.
Oh, I tried my best to bury all of this deep down inside. With the hopes I wouldn’t have to address any of this bullshit again! The universe obviously had other plans. A little back story: I found out I was pregnant the day before Jacob moved 4 hours away to a place I don’t really like. After a few months of convincing I agreed to move. I HATE moving, we moved constantly when I was a kid. I wanted to be with Jacob though, and a good job opportunity is hard to pass up!
Then all of the sudden, my niece and nephew came into a situation where they need a safe place to live. They we’re in foster care, so that meant dealing with DHS and all of it’s crap-tastic glory. Not only was I taking care of these kiddos but I was also worrying about their mom. A LOT.
This is also about the time that Emory started experiencing huge mood swings. We all struggled through and kept a positive attitude! Willow was born and Jacob and I couldn’t be happier!
Then came the move, new dhs caseworkers, more missed visits, lies from other family members, a busted ankle, my niece and nephew moving back to their home town, still worrying about my sister, getting used to a new area.. writing it all out doesn’t seem like too huge of a cluster-F, but it really was a chaotic time. Over the summer last year, I did a decent job of running from it all. Recently though, its been thrown in my face because of a couple of court hearings pertaining to my niece, nephew and sister.
I want to say this loud and clear…. I SHOULD NOT HAVE RAN FROM IT! it did more damage than good.
I spent a day, feeling pretty shitty. Then, I made up my mind. I was going to take part in some serious self-care. This looked like staying off of social media for just under two weeks. I spent more time with my kids, writing everything out that I wasn’t happy with, I listened to “Girl Stop Apologizing” by Rachel Hollis (which incase your wondering was AMAZING!) And basically took stock of all of my emotions and how I could get them back in check. Facing these issues aren’t ever easy, I still don’t even want to do it. But to be able to grow as a person it is very important to be able to face it and move on. And I couldn’t do that without the support of Jacob, my girls and a few other close family members and friends.
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