Battling Mom Guilt.

This was going to be a post for next week or the week after. But sitting here at 6:30 A.M. with my bubbly toddler, asking to watch Baby Shark again, it hit me right in the ovaries. Mom Guilt. You know, the anxiety, the worrying, the “oh, shit. I’ve failed” feeling. As we cuddled and these questions ran up and down my spine, the real freak out began. Do my kids know how much I fricken love their little behinds? Do they know that I try my best? Am I doing enough? What if I’m spending too much time “working” and not enough time doing things with them? The moments, LORD! All of the sweet moments!! And the little things, every one of those little things you don’t want to miss, are slipping away because I have grand goals of being an awesome blogger.

Thank you anxiety for bringing all of this up. If you need me, I’ll just be over here in a downward spiral for the next day or two. This happens every time I’m on the motivation train. I spent a month revamping the blog and the Etsy shop. Developed new products, came up with new posts. Stratagized and organized, made plans and set goals. I mean yeah… While I was working on all of that, we didn’t take as many drives, go to the lake, and Willow probably watched Baby Shark more than she should have.

I’d feel the dreaded mom guilt creep in when the older two kiddos would say “you’re always working on that stuff now” I’d explain that I needed to get it done and more importantly, I wanted to get it done, because the harder I worked the more time I’d have to spend with them in the end! They seemed not to mind after a little while and would just come hang out near me while I plugged away at the tasks on my to-do list. So why now? Why all of the sudden is this horrible feeling back, just like it has come back in the months before?

Honestly, it would be super easy to blame social media. Those perfect mama’s with those perfect pictures. It’s definitely not that, because life is not perfect all of the time, they are just posing for a pictures, no need to get worked up over that. The screen time issue? I Squashed those thoughts immediately because I know Willow isn’t sitting around all day watching educational videos. She has watched them once this week! I could also try to place blame on the girls making me feel horrible. They didn’t though! The house isn’t overly messy, or any more messy than usual. Everyone is fed, loved on and taken care of. Theoretically, there should be no reason as to why mom guilt is even showing up around here!

It did though, and here is my take on why it did. As a stay at home mom I’ve adopted the idea that my kids come first, all of their needs, literally everything was put before my own. Then I started taking my self-care more seriously. Mom guilt crept in because I was stepping away from my beloved children to do something that made me feel great, so I could continue being there for them. That came and passed, not without some work, but it passed. Now, this bull-hockey shows up when I’ve got great ideas and plans and start to focus on them, I see progress and then all of the sudden, this. I’m feeling this way because I’m taking time to focus on something that matters to me, instead of focusing on my kids.

Part of me feels guilty for wanting to have an identity outside of being a Mama. I mean, heck yeah, that’s my pride and joy, my bread and butter, what fills me up those warm and fuzzy feelings inside. Mama is not all that I am though. I used to work two jobs and mom guilt was definitely still a thing then as well. I’d feel like I was missing too much. Now I feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m constantly trying to validate what I’ve done to show that I have worth of some sort. As the ton of bricks shower down on top of me and the guilt weighs heavy, I’m realizing that I still do have worth, it never went away. I take care of these three wild little women, the house, the cooking, the blog, and produce things for the Etsy shop. I also make a conscious effort to help others whenever I am able to. The thing is worth shouldn’t be measured by how much you do, it shouldn’t be measured at all actually, because each and every one of us has worth. Thank you anxiety, you cruel bitch, for trying to take that from me and so many others.

Sure it would be cool if the blog and the Etsy shop just sky rocketed into massive success they day they were published and opened. That rarely happens though. Everything takes work, time and patience. I have also realized something else at the beginning of this article, I said “work”, in quotations, like this blog isn’t really work. It truly is work though, or at least I view it as such. That’s what this kind of guilt does to you though. It makes you question things you hadn’t even dreamed of questioning before! Below are some tips that I’m going to put into practice starting today, I hope if you’re in the same boat as me, they will help you as well!

My tips for moving past mom guilt:

• Take a break – Just set your work aside for a time that you deem appropriate – for me it was most of the day, that’s why it’s almost 3 pm and I’m still working on this! Taking a “time-in”, setting my phone and computer aside for a while really does help.
• Make a schedule – if you’re like me, schedules make you happy. Ours has gone out the window and probably won’t be back to what our summer normal was. School is starting, we’ve got family visits and lots to do! So I’m going to make a new schedule that allows appropriate time for me to write and create and time for my family.
• Get some extra rest – part of self-care is noticing when you need extra rest. Instead of working the night away, reading the night away or whatever you do, turn in early and approach the next day with a fresh perspective.
• Have a conversation with your family. Ask them if what you’re feeling is true. You’re feeling guilty about not being there for them right? Maybe just ask them if they are feeling a bit left out. I bet they will let you know you’re doing just fine! If they are feeling a bit left out, work together to come up with a plan that works for everyone!
• No work on the weekends – this one is going to be a doozy for me because sometimes during a full moment, my phone is the first thing I reach for. Checking Instagram is on of my hobbies now… Hahaha not really. No work on the weekends allows for more quality time, which means I won’t be writing on Saturday or Sunday and I won’t be creating Etsy material. Which means changing my shop hours. And I’m totally fine with that!

The fact of the matter is, feeling guilty as a mom, or a parent in general, is something that has the ability to creep in at any moment. Working mama’s feel it too, just the same as stay at home mama’s. The important thing is we remember how much we love ourselves, our kiddos and what we set out to do. So yes, while I feel guilty, I snuggled the crap out of Willow all morning and she is now sitting peacefully by my side watching the Cocomelon channel on YouTube, so I can work on getting this article done. Which is totally OK, because that’s the ultimate goal, to see them happy. Subscribe below to join in on all of the shenanigans!