Recently I’ve been on roll with the mental health posts. And I’m gonna continue on it. Two things happened this morning that have me wanting to keep writing about this. 1) Emory lashed out this morning. It was bad. Worse than it’s been in a while. She also laid hands on me which she hasn’t ever done before. And 2) I read an article about why parents stay quiet about mental health issues when it comes to their children. The article even insinuated that we SHOULD stay quiet. Fuck. That. (I’m sorry Grandma if you are reading this!)
In case you missed the post a few posts back, my daughter Emory (11) suffers from something called DMDD. Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. This is something relatively new to the Mental Health scene. She is prone to explosive out bursts, being agreesive, and extremely aggravated or irritable for no apparent reason at all. This is different than bi-polar in the fact that Bi-polar usuall has a set number of manic days, and a set number depressive days. DMDD doesn’t give a shit. It will take over all day erry day.
In the beginning of these emotional outbursts, I was terrified. Not even gonna lie. I thought that I had done something, that someone else had done something and I had no idea how to help her. Em went from being a sweet heart to being uncontrollable. She is a sweet heart still but when that DMDD peeks out, it’s unreal in the change that is present in her. Like this morning, we made breakfast, I added something she didn’t like, and it was down hill from there for 2 hours.
In the beginning, I didn’t want to talk about it. I mean yeah, my family knew, Jacob knew, my friends knew, but I didn’t tell her doctor or seek out help. I feel like a sack of crap for not seeking help sooner because we could have made more progress. When I DID seek out help (about 3 months after her outbursts started), I was met with “oh she is just strong willed” or my personal favorite… “She just needs to learn some respect.” Hmmmm thank you for that. My girls were brought up to say please, thank you, excuse me, do their chores, they learned to be patient be helpful and be kind. All of the things that to me make up a respectful little kid.
What is my point you may be asking? It’s this: don’t stay quiet, if you feel like something isn’t right, get help. Better yet, if your kiddo is s-h-o-w-i-n-g you that he or she needs help. Talk to them. See what you can discern from what they say. Yeah, I waited three months to seek out help. The article I read earlier, the chick waited for 10 years. Making excuses for her son, rather than getting help. She was afraid of stigma. She was afraid of Granny’s talking trash. She was afraid of ALL the things. But I’m here to tell you, don’t be afraid.
Yeah, easier said than done, I know. But you really shouldn’t be afraid. Seeking out help doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, your kid isn’t going to hate you. Those stigmas and gabbing granny’s? Screw them. They aren’t apart of your life. They don’t walk in your shoes. They don’t cry themselves to sleep, or stay up all night because your sweet child threatened to kill themselves when you go to sleep, you know it’s an empty threat, but you stay up just to be sure. Been there. Done that. Still do it sometimes.
But what will people say about you? Let me answer it very simply. Not. A. God. Damn. Thing. I was worried about the same thing. I met with the counselor, did the assessment, filled out the papers. Not once did anyone judge me, or look at me like I was doing something horrid. Aside from that, your child’s mental health is way more important that what someone may say to you.
Being the parent of a child that suffers from mental health issues, I know what it’s like to be in the grocery store and have her flip out and throw things off the shelves (yesterday) and have people stare. I literally watched a mother hide her children from Emory. It’s not like she is a leper or has the black plague. I just tried to calmly say to Emory that she needed to do her safe plan. Once I said that the other momma turned her judging glare from Emory to me. Yes, I said safe plan, no, Emory is not dangerous and shame on you momma for looking at me like I shouldn’t have Emory out in public.
What I’m saying is, I refuse to stay quiet. And you should to. No one will be able to help your kiddo if you don’t say something. Trust me, telling your pediatrician about behaviors that are alarming or emotional issues, are the best things you could do for your child and yourself.
Yes, I do still cry when no one is around, yes I sometimes have trouble controlling my temper when Em is angry. Yes, sometimes I still blame myself. Yes, sometimes Em loses her shit in public. I would take all the sometimes over hiding her away and staying quiet though. We have made so much progress, and have way more good days than bad. You don’t have to fight this battle alone, there is help out there, you just have to speak up and speak out.
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