Anxiety is a word that often gets tossed around because several people suffer from it. It shows its ugly face when you least expect it. Anxiety doesn’t care if you are in a crowded grocery store, your best friends wedding, a school play or alone in your car, trying to sleep at night or in the middle of a job interview. You’ll just be minding your own business, and BAM, there are sweaty palms, heart racing, feeling like you cant breath. You’re fight or flight response kicks in, and all you want to do is hide. The struggle is truly real.
My story with anxiety began a few years ago. Jacob has a few theories as to what triggered it. The honest truth is it just kind of happened out of no where. I would be at work and have an attack, I’d be at the store and have an attack. They came in clusters and then would be gone for a month or so. While camping at our property in Prineville, I had an attack that didn’t end until I had to get up at three in the morning and walk around in the dark. Horrible thoughts filled my head, I was shaking, couldn’t breathe, tears were furiously falling and felt like throwing up all over the tent. Sorry. TMI I know.
The biggest panic attack I had is when I was giving birth to Willow. I had fallen asleep for a bit, woke up ready to push. Jacobs mom woke my mom and Jacob both up, the doctor came in and said it was definitely time. At that moment, I thought “what if I die” and that started it all! I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t catch my breath and was trying to push a baby out! By the end of it, moments after the sweet baby girl entered the world, I passed out (Jacob is very sweet, and says I fell asleep) for a few hours.
My anxiety still comes in clusters, there for a while it was rampant. Every time a DHS caseworker would act shady or pop in and accuse me of something that wasn’t even close to being true, I would have anxiety. I didn’t want to feel like they had complete control over my life, including my kids, just because I was fostering my niece and nephew (read about that here). I know they didn’t but they definitely made it seem that way!
There are different severities of anxiety, sometimes its just some hot flashes, and feeling your heart in your throat. Other times it can be a full body response, tears, shaking, rapid breathing, you know… the works. There are a few things that I have done to help when I start to feel panicky or super anxious.
I call it the 54321 trick. It probably has an official name but this is what I use. Its a sensory trick that allows you to focus on things you can see, feel, smell, hear and taste. Here is how it works: name 5 things you can see (couch, table, dog, tv, candle are what I can see if I look up from the computer). 4 things you can hear (willow, birds, the click of the keys on the keyboard, the pages of a book being turned). 3 things you can touch (my journal, warm coffee cup, the soft couch pillow). 2 things you can smell (breakfast and the diffuser). 1 thing you can taste (my toast).
This grounding exercise can be done anywhere. You can keep a mint or some gum with you to complete the last task! Its important, at least for me, to look for different things for each section. I could have said that I can touch the couch but I focused on something else that I could feel. Focusing on different elements takes your mind off of the bad thoughts.
Another great exercise that has helped me is breathing. I breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 and release for 8. This triggers your body and mind to calm down. This paired with positive self-speak helped me in the grocery store one time! Journaling has also helped a great deal! This Journal is similar to the one I use. I use it to write out all the crap feelings I sometimes experience. Making a gratitude list is also a great idea! I also use essential oils to help keep my emotions in check.
living with anxiety isn’t a walk in the park, mine isn’t totally gone either. Matter of fact I had an attack the other night for no reason at all other than I was watching The Goldbergs on Hulu. No! that show didn’t cause it, I actually love it! I noticed the signs and started breathing and focusing on the show, I stopped it in its tracks. Recognizing the signs of a looming anxiety attack or recognizing your triggers and avoiding them can also help.
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